Reader of the Day

I track my blog traffic using Google Analytics. It's a staggeringly powerful tool (ahem) that allows you to analyze your readership in an alarming, 1984-ish sort of way. You can find out where people are from, how long they stay on your site, if they are first-time readers, and much, much more. Basically, you can run any kind of nerdtastic statistical analysis your cyborg heart desires.

I, however, use it primarily to amuse myself. One of my favorite things to do in Analytics is check out what search terms have lead people to my site. Typically, you find the terms you would expect. The name of the site, for instance (hi, Mom!), or maybe a phrase that appears in a post you wrote.

Sometimes, however, you get something unexpected. On a now-defunct blog I once ran I had a reader find me by Googling "nasty foot fetish hair." I did not run a "nasty foot fetish hair" site, but somehow that search lead a depraved lunatic to my humble home on the interwebs.

Other times you get a search term that is so generic that it boggles the mind to imagine how many results a person had to wade through to find you. It's a similar sensation to considering the size/nature of the universe.

For instance, the other day somebody found me by Googling "ghostface." I don't know for sure, but I would suspect that I am roughly the 8,000,000th search result for "ghostface." How many Ghostface-related sites could this person possibly have gone to before he found mine? What was he looking for that he didn't find at the other sites? Whatever it is, he didn't find it at JamesMarceda.com because he bounced immediately.

I admire your sticktoitiveness, "ghostface" searcher, but since you didn't stick around, you don't get my Reader of the Day award.

No, that honor/privilege goes to the person who found my blog with the search term, "mystery of the disembodied feet." This person slogged through pages and pages of the same results, finding nothing but recaps and Warez downloads of the NatGeo special, "Mystery of the Disembodied Feet." But this person did not find what he was looking for. No. This person was on a mission. A mission to comb through EIGHT FUCKING PAGES of search results (I haven't gone past 2 in 5 years!) to find something that in no way matched his search term.

This person got to page 8, saw a result titled, "James Marceda: Chimps - They're Just Like Us" and said to him/herself, "Ah, yes. Finally. I have arrived at my destination. Thank God I didn't stop at page 7." Then this person stuck around for THREE WHOLE MINUTES. Now that's what I call devotion (vol. 16).

God bless you, you magnificent potential serial killer, you. Your tenacity and loyalty has earned you the distinction of being the very first JamesMarceda.com Reader of the Day.

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(Know someone who you think should be Reader of the Day? Submit your nominations in the comments section.)