Hey, Gobstoppers!

I'm calling you out, sons! Yeah, that's right, YOU, mothafuckas!

(everlasting, my ass)

You gone soft as SHIT! I can bite all the way through your weak asses on the FIRST BITE now. What the fuck? Used to be, back in the day, aint nobody bite through your rock hard candy shell in one bite. THAT SHIT WOULD HURT YOUR MOLARS AND YOU'D BE ALL LIKE "DAMN DID I CHIP MY ENAMEL?"
Also, and this is just as bad, you only have ONE fucking flavor now! What the fuck? Where's your flavor, sons? Back in the day I got to taste like 3 or 4 different flavors before I worked my way down to your delicious chewy core.

NOW I GET NO FLAVORS BECAUSE I GET ALL THE WAY DOWN TO YOUR DELICIOUS CHEWY CORE ON MY FIRST BITE ATTEMPT!

Also, I sucked on one real slow-like and there was only one flavor there anyway, not one flavor coating another flavor coating another flavor, the way it used to be.

EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T EASY AS FUCK TO BITE THROUGH YOU'D STILL BE A RIP OFF!

Don't think I don't notice this shit.

Gobstoppers! I'm calling you out! Wonka! I'm calling your tiny evil ass out!

YOUR SHIT IS WEAK!