10 Things I Love About Ghostface

If you've been reading this blog for the past week or so, you've probably picked up on the fact that I have what one might call a "hateful" sense of humor. I've yelled at Gobstoppers, accused Jamarcus Russell of being so bad at football that he might actually be game-fixing ex-NBA referee Tim Donaghy, and poked fun at ubiquitous guitar instructor Dan Smith's emotionless robot face.

I find that mocking things can be funny and cathartic (if done in good taste, natch), but it's important to understand that I have more than just a hateful side. I also like a lot of things. Hell, I even love a lot of things. There are so many great books, movies, tv shows, albums, and improvised late-night snacks out there that I probably won't ever come close to experiencing them all. In fact, if there weren't so many awesome things in this world, I would never be able to hate on so much shitty crap. The great things in life give me a basis for my hatred of the shitty things in life.

That's why I'm rolling out a new feature that will run once a week (unless it sucks or becomes too hard) called 10 Things I Love About... (not to be confused with the Julia Stiles' vehicle 10 Things I Hate About You)

Every week I will pick a new topic and list 10 things I love about that particular topic. I want to be very clear, right up front, that these aren't necessarily exhaustive, definitive lists. I might, for instance, give you 10 of my favorite Derek Jeter intangibles (he has 26). They wouldn't necessarily be his most important, or his sexiest, or even his most intangible intangibles. They would simply be my favorite.

Alright, enough with this obscenely long preamble. Let's kick off this feature in a big way with...

10 Things I Love About Ghostface
1. He is a member of the Wu-Tang Clan.
I won't spend too much time on this aspect of Ghostface's greatness, as it pretty much goes without saying, but, since this is on the record, and under my name, I am legally obligated to mention that Ghostface is an original member of the filthiest hip hop collective to ever stalk the planet Earth. Need proof? This was the first song on Wu-Tang Clan's first album (with Ghost taking the first verse, of course):



UHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Wu-Tang, in addition to being for the children, is the greatest collection of rappers that could ever possibly exist. There are no challengers. I could love Ghost forever and ever for that fact alone, but there's more. Oh, there is so much more. 

2. He has ridiculously filthy lyrics.
Ghostface has written some of the grossest lyrics the rap game has ever seen. As the world's biggest fan of potty humor, this might actually be my favorite thing about him. It's not fair that somebody could be such a genius and so utterly vile at the same time. I am forever jealous.

Check out these lyrics from Projects on Wu-Tang Forever:

Suck my dick it's the kid with the fat knob
I bust all into ya face, plus it come in globs
Quick get on your knees, with yo' sweet pussy let it breathe
Two fingers is all in your hole, think I can fit three

Ok, that's kind of gross, but not necessarily that nasty (I have high [low?] standards). Let's fast forward a few seconds, shall we?

Stomach on some shriveled up prune shit
Too much air in your pussy you screamin that it's
TALKIN TO YOU DADDY, fart's breathin out your lips splashin my dick badly
Use vinegar, to try to tighten up your ginger...

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Yes, yes he is serious. He's also serious in Gihad and Stapleton Sex.

It's important to note that this isn't some raunchy poem scrawled on a bar bathroom's wall. These are words to a fantastic song written by a platinum selling artist. Only a magnificent bastard like Ghostface could pull that off. 

3. He gives bat-shit crazy interviews.
Some artists have very different private and public personas.

Not Ghostface.

He's as completely insane in interviews as he is in real life. Check out this AVClub interview and this Pitchfork interview. You will be endlessly entertained. For those who are too lazy to click on the links, here are some choice nuggets.

First we have a flippant Ghost:

AVC: The Pretty Toney Album was credited to Ghostface, and Fishscale is credited to Ghostface Killah. What's the difference?
GK: It don't even matter. It's just names. People always get it twisted, you know, "Is this the Ghostface Killah?" Man, it's whatever-whatever, you can name me Shithead if you want.

Then we have a cocky Ghost:

Pitchfork: You don't think that it's up there with your best stuff?
GK: I think, in my mind, if I was relaxed and I had myself time, I could have wrote better. You know, we all say that. It's like [Michael] Jordan could have scored 60, and he could've been like, "Yo, if my ankle wasn't killing me or whatever, I could have did 80." You know what I mean? It's like that.

Next we have Ghost making the interviewer feel like an asshole for asking an obvious question:

Pitchfork: What does the title of the album mean?
GK: It means what it sounds like: Wizard of Poetry. I'm a wizard at poetry.

Finally, here's Ghost keeping it real as shit, perhaps a little too real:

AVC: What was your life like before Wu-Tang Clan?
GK: I don't know. I was just like any other street nigga. I was robbing niggas, knocking niggas out, shooting niggas. That's how it was before Wu-Tang Clan. I'll do it again if I got to.

If I were a journalist, and I managed not to shit my pants during the interview, I would consider that quote the highlight of my career

4. He is an amazing storyteller.
Ghostface has a reputation for being a free associative crazy man, and to a certain extent that's true. He can do the vivid-imagery-that-isn't-necessarily-connected thing (peep Nutmeg), but he's also a fantastic storyteller. He tells tales with such incredible detail, cramming so much information into each line that his best stuff can be difficult to understand the first time you hear it.

That's why I want you to click play on the Shakey Dog youtube clip below and read along to the lyrics. This is one of my favorite songs of all time, from any artist. If you don't come away from it impressed/wanting to run through a brick wall, you might as well just stop reading now. I also won't want you as a friend anymore (I consider all of my blog visitors friends).


Suggestions for further listening: Knuckleheadz. The MGM. Outta Town Shit.

5. He has fantastic taste.

Exhibit A) His first producer was RZA, one of the most revered beat makers in hip hop history. There are so many examples of amazing RZA beats that it would be impossible to choose one and hold it up as a shining example of his work. It would also be unfair. That being said, check out Reunited and Careful (Click, Click). That shit is raw as hell. Something in the slum went rum pum pum pum, indeed.

Exhibit B) He was the copilot on both Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... albums. I have always loved the first one, a universally recognized classic, and the long-anticipated second installment, released just a month ago, is almost as incredible as the first. I won't even link to a particular track (Ok, that's a lie, here's Criminology and New Wu), but if you don't have both of these albums, download them at once.

Exhibit C) His solo shit utilizes a ton of soul samples (Holla, Big Girl, Save me Dear). I fucking love soul samples. If you don't like soul samples, once again, I don't want to be your friend anymore.

Exhibit D) His batting average is outstanding. The sheer number of great beats that Ghostface has rapped over is staggering. I'm not talking about serviceable beats here. I'm talking about instantly recognizable beats that don't get skipped when they come on your iPod's shuffle. Daytona 500. Iron Maiden. Ghost Deini. Apollo Kids. I'm going to stop before my head explodes.

6. His (alleged) antics are hilarious.
Ghost is as insanely fascinating in real life as he is on the mic.

Exhibit A) He was briefly incarcerated for attempted robbery in 1999 but never talks about it.

What kind of a rapper refuses to talk about a robbery? Especially a rapper that FREQUENTLY RAPS ABOUT ROBBERY!? What could have possibly happened that he refuses to discuss it? This (another great interview, by the way) is the only comment of his I have ever been able to find on the incident:

Q: Everybody knows 50's story, but it may not be widely known that you've also been locked up for attempted robber and shot before - once in your neck.

A: Yeah I got shot three times. I've been at group homes, and fuckin' Rikers, and all that other shit... Plus, what I went through, a lot of people go through in life. I don't put my business out there like that, unless I'm asked. Other than that, I keep everything hush.

Right. Everyone clear on that?

Exhibit B) Go here and skip to the section about filming the video for Triumph. At one point Ghostface gets kicked out of 11 hotels, which, as it turns out, is not anywhere close to being the highlight of the piece.

Exhibit C) According to the song Trials of Life, Ghostface thought he had contracted a venereal disease in 1996 when he lost about 30 pounds, most notable in his neck. He had, after all "went raw on plenty" of female acquaintances.

It turned out he had diabetes. 

7. His songs have unique, varied subject matter
Lots of rappers are great at rapping about killing people, selling cocaine, or performing filthy sex acts (you want to click that, don't you?), but once they exhaust those topics, they start to get boring.

Not Ghostface.

He has written about about so many different things that he manages to keep it fresh more consistently than most every other rapper.

Ghostface has written songs about

1) inattentive hotshot barbers who need to not fuck up so they don't draw attention to his bald spot

2) hitting it off with beautiful women at the bus stop only to have them lose interest in him when he accidentally drops his gun

3) the need to hit children in order to discipline them properly

4) a version of the afterlife that takes place in an underwater universe populated by mermaids with Halle Berry haircust and Gucci belts -- you know what? Just go listen to Fishscale. It's an incredible album.

8. His flow is mad versatile.

I was going to start this section by saying that Ghostface can rap in a variety of styles, but something about that statement didn't feel right. I think it's that the word "style" suggests a sort of crass calculation. I wouldn't pretend to completely understand what's going on inside of this mad genius' head, but I highly doubt that Ghost sits down and thinks to himself, "Now it's time for my gangsta flow. Now it's time for my lover man flow."

No, the thing about Ghost is that he has an emotionally rich flow -- at all times. He changes the way he raps depending on what he's rapping about. This is real shit he's spitting (as he'll tell you in any of his aforementioned bat shit crazy interviews) and he has strong opinions about his subject matter.

I'll try to put some of his flows in broad categories so you can see what I'm talking about. He can do sing-songy nonchalance (Biscuits), for-all-intents-and-purposes crying (I Can't Go to Sleep), furious shouting (The Champ), bittersweet sentimentality (Big Girl) and lots more. Ghostface delivers the lyrics in whatever type of flow the lyrics call for.

9. He makes eccentric business decisions
Ghost's offbeat sensibilities manifest themselves in everything he does, including how he conducts business.

Exhibit A) Ghost is not a commercial rapper. Sure, he's sold millions of records, but when you write songs like Gihad, they generally don't make their way onto the radio. One recent exception is Back Like That, a song featurning Ne-Yo off of Fishscale. It found moderate success, peaking at #11 on the Billboard Hot Rap Tracks chart and #14 on the Billboard Hot R&B/Hip Hop Songs chart.

Since it found a modicum of commerical succes he decided to tack it on as an extra on the followup to Fishscale, More Fish. Then again on the recently released Wizard of Poetry. That makes 3 albums in 4 years with the same song. It wouldn't shock me if it showed up on the next one either.

Exhibit B) He created this:

Yes, that is a Ghostface Killah "action figure."

What you might not be able to tell from the picture is that it's wearing a 14K gold chain and costs $500.

10. He has topnotch Pre- and post-song banter
Terrible "comedy" skits on rap albums are as old as the artform itself (I didn't research that - it's probably not true, so don't call me on it). Chances are, if you're not listening to actual rapping on a rap album, you're listening to something that is an abomination.

This is not true when it comes to Ghostface.

He has some of the funniest, most bizarre, most quotable pre- and post-song banter you could ever wish for.

Exhibit A)
7th Chamber: "WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN IS HE FUCKIN DEAD? THE NIGGA LAYIN THERE WITH ALL TYPES OF BLOOD FUCKIN..."

My friends and I still quote this on a weekly (daily? hourly?) basis. The song is 16 years old.

Exhibit B)
Gihad: The outro to this is outstanding. After Ghost busts a load on his son's pregnant girlfriend's face, while the son watches, he excoriates him for pulling out a gun in a furious rage. The cuckold, after being violently relieved of his gun, is instructed to go to the store to get Ghost a 40, pick up a pacifier for his whiny baby ass, and, while he is at it, "to put some bologna on your face or somethin."

Have I told you that I love Ghostface?

Exhibit C)
Biscuits: "Yo... who the fuck brought me this chocolate shit, man? I said a banana nutriment, man.
Ya'll heard the fuck I said... I gave you. I wrote it on the fuckin' paper, man."

I use this quote whenever I get something other than what I ordered. It doesn't matter if a friend screws up a mass food order, or if Amazon sends me the wrong package. Nobody even has to be around. I can just say it to myself and crack the hell up. It never gets old. Just like Ghostface.

He's the greatest. I love him.